1. kyssthis16:

    Remember when Mitt Romney spoke at the NAACP National Convention

    LEGENDARY

    (Source: holdmypurse, via wasarahbi)

     

  2. "It’s all messy:
    The hair.
    The bed.
    The words.
    The heart.
    Life…"
    — William Leal (via kvtes)

    (Source: retratou, via hazelgracelancesters)

     

  3. motherfuckingshakespeare:

    prose—before—hoes:

    i read shakespeare, therefore i amb

    (via hardforthebard)

     

  4. Anonymous asked: Could your followers press you for your top 5 Shakespeare dick jokes?

    hardforthebard:

    notchinyourbeltorbedpost:

    fuckyeahgreatplays:

    professorfangirl:

    AH HA HA HA oh I love you.

    Okay, well, the raunchiest one is Romeo and Juliet 2.4, Mercutio to the Nurse:

    “for the bawdy hand of the dial / Is now upon the prick of noon.”

    And the baldest one, Henry V, 2.3, Pistol to Nym:

    “I do retort the solus in thy bowels, / For I can take, and Pistol’s cock is up, / And flashing fire will follow.”

    Schlockiest, Twelfth Night 1.5, Feste to Maria:

    “Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage.” *rimshot*

    Cleverest—and hottest—Sonnet 20, the poet to his beautiful young man:

    Till Nature, as she wrought thee, fell a-doting,
    And by addition me of thee defeated,
    By adding one thing to my purpose nothing.
       But since she prick’d thee out for women’s pleasure,
       Mine be thy love and thy love’s use their treasure.

    (For me the most important word here isn’t “prick’d”—giggle—but “nothing,” which was Elizabethan slang for vagina. Nature added one thing, a prick, which is to my purpose nothing, a vagina, so

    image

    AHEM. Shakespeare gettin’ his frottage on?)

    But okay, my #1 all-time favorite Shakespeare dick joke is Hamlet 2.2, Hamlet to Rosencrantz and Guildenstern:

    GUILDENSTERN
    Happy, in that we are not overhappy.
    On Fortune’s cap we are not the very button.

    HAMLET

    Nor the soles of her shoes?

    ROSENCRANTZ

    Neither, my lord.

    HAMLET

    Then you live about her waist, or in the middle of her favors?
    GUILDENSTERN
    Faith, her privates we.

    HAMLET

    In the secret parts of Fortune? Oh, most true. She is a strumpet.
    ***
    Because yeah, most poignant.

    One of my favorites: “better a witty fool than a foolish wit.” With “wit” as slang for penis, i.e. HOPE HE’S DUMB AND HUNG.

    But you can’t beat the blatant comment from Mercutio about Juliet: “Oh, that she were an open arse, and thou a poperin pear!”

    But what about the taming of the shrew: “madam, my instrument’s in tune!”

    Good yes all of this is good

     
  5. color palette, inspired by: my soul

    (Source: lookatziam, via inthesummerheat)

     

  6. annabellioncourt:

    SHAKESPEARE WROTE THAT ALL THE WORLD’S A STAGE.

    HIS THEATER WAS CALLED THE GLOBE.

    NOT ONLY WAS THAT LINE PHILOSOPHICAL AND DEEP

    BUT IT WAS ALSO A PUN

    (via englishmajorhumor)

     
  7. bdbdb:

    Brush Up Your Shakespeare from Kiss Me Kate

    The girls today in society
    Go for classical poetry,
    So to win their hearts one must quote with ease
    Aeschylus and Euripides.
    But the poet of them all
    Who will start ‘em simply ravin’
    Is the poet people call
    The bard of Stratford-on-Avon.

    Brush up your Shakespeare,
    Start quoting him now.
    Brush up your Shakespeare
    And the women you will wow.
    Just declaim a few lines from “Othella”
    And they think you’re a heckuva fella.
    If your blonde won’t respond when you flatter ‘er
    Tell her what Tony told Cleopaterer,
    And if still, to be shocked, she pretends well,
    Just remind her that “All’s Well That Ends Well.”
    Brush up your Shakespeare
    And they’ll all kowtow.

    Brush up your Shakespeare,
    Start quoting him now.
    Brush up your Shakespeare
    And the women you will wow.
    If your goil is a Washington Heights dream
    Treat the kid to “A Midsummer Night Dream.”
    If she fights when her clothes you are mussing,
    What are clothes? “Much Ado About Nussing.”
    If she says your behavior is heinous
    Kick her right in the “Coriolanus.”
    Brush up your Shakespeare
    And they’ll all kowtow,
    And they’ll all kowtow,
    And they’ll all kowtow.

    Brush up your Shakespeare,
    Start quoting him now.
    Brush up your Shakespeare
    And the women you will wow.

    Brush up your Shakespeare
    And they’ll all kowtow.

    (via englishmajorhumor)

     
     
  8.  
  9. (Source: sandandglass, via avadakedalek)

     
  10. englishmajorhumor:

    betterbooktitles:

    William Shakespeare: King Lear

    Reader Submission: Title and Redesign by Bethany Roberts.

    Follow @DanWilbur on Twitter

    Check out How Not to Read

    Anonymous requested a King Lear post!